Get Free from Bad Habits

Trying to push a person to take action before she is ready to change can be a big mistake. Pressure at this point will only make the person more resistant to change. People who are stuck in stage 2 really do know better, but they have forgotten what they know. Too often, a personal tragedy must happen before a person in this stage is able to move forward.

Olga knows what she must do. Yet she still can’t do it, even though her family’s welfare depends on her ability to act. This is typical of people in stage 2 of the cycle. Olga didn’t come to me for advice. She already knows all the reasons to end the relationship that she needs to know, and she is beginning to under stand that as long as she does nothing, the situation is likely to get worse before it gets better.

Olga is like a chain smoker who isn’t ready to quit. Many smokers are fully aware of the damage they’re doing to their health. John repeatedly says that he wants to quit, but can’t. The truth is that John doesn’t want to quit smoking. John knows the health risks that smoker s face. But he doesn’t want to give up all the little satisfactions that smoking gives him: the pleasant anticipation he experiences after a meal when he is about to light a cigarette; the satisfaction of feeling the cigarette between his fingers; the nicotine rush that goes straight to his brain every time he takes a puff; the security of knowing he has an extra carton of his favorite brand stashed away in the closet.

The only part of smoking that John wants to give up is the part that threatens to give him lung cancer; he wishes he could somehow eliminate that part, and hang onto all the other little perks that hooked him in the first place. People like John don’t want to quit, no matter how much they say they do.

John isn’t lying when he says he wants to quit. He sincerely thinks he wants to quit. His problem is that he hasn’t come to grips with the real reason he smokes. As soon as he is able to do so, he will be in a position to move forward.

When he is able to admit that he likes lots of little things about his habit, he will be in a position to substitute healthy new habits for the old destructive ones.